Adventures in Dating

Being single, I have found, is quite fun for the most part. Sure, it can get cold and lonely in my bed at night but generally I’m enjoying not being some one’s other and not having to worry about being in trouble for staying out too late. Being back out on the dating scene is exciting, or at least it was at first.

My first date after being in a relationship for three years was, as should be expected, less than fantastic. But I didn’t let it get me down. The next guy was exciting, cute and caught my interest right away. That was until I found out that he was a regular at the tanning salon. Sure, not that strange now-a-days but I was turned off when he modeled the thong he wears in the tanning bed and then obsessively talked about his new work-out regime to the point where there was hardly room in the conversation for anything except his biceps.

Guys: Tongs make women feel sexy but not when they’re boyfriend is wearing them.

The next guy, we’ll call him Bob, was down to earth, into baseball, had a decent job, and kept his apartment really clean. We had fantastic conversations over the phone – hours long and I looked forward to seeing his number pop up on my cell. He even had a dog that unfortunately was old and sick but it was endearing the way he took care of her. That was until we got around to our 4th date or so and he still didn’t want to leave his for fear that his dog might make a mess of things. So our relationship depended on me driving 45 minutes to hang out with him in his living room. Also, the car he did have was not registered so he had to borrow his mom’s every time he wanted to drive. Oh yeah, and that really clean apartment, he spent more on cleaning supplies than I did on gas to hang out with him. You think I’m kidding? He refused to cook chicken for him self because he was afraid of not doing it correctly and was convinced he’d contract Salmonella poisoning. Yeah, and ordered his drinks without ice because you know that restaurant ice is full of germs. I suggested he seek professional help.

OCD is not a turn on. No chick likes being asked to wash her hands twice before getting down and dirty.

Then I met “John”. John was an ice dancing instructor. I know, but he seemed straight. He was very spiritual and into chockra’s and energy. Something right up my alley. He even brought me flowers on our first date. Sparks flew right away and turned into full blown fireworks in the bedroom. That was until we were lying in the dark and I heard him start to sniffle. That sniffle turned into full fledged sobbing and him proclaiming “that was just so beautiful. Sorry, I just give so much of myself when it comes to physical stuff.” Seriously?! Crying?! I was willing to give him another chance but then he showed up at my door one day to announce that I was too jaded from my last relationship. He could FEEL my anger towards my ex. I might be bitter but you’re a cry baby John. Here’s a tissue, go back to mommy.

Being in touch with your feelings is good; touching your feelings all the time is annoying.

The most recent dating drama comes from “Jack”. Jack is sexy, like Usher sexy. Jack and I stumbled into each other (almost literally) at a club. I was gathering my things to leave when he walked by with a group of friends, said something funny and made me laugh. In the midst of my laughter he grabbed me and said “oh your smile, I have to get your number.” Yeah, it melted me too. He proceeded to chase me out of the bar until I submitted and programmed my digits into his cell. Jack held the door for me on our first date, helped me over the ice and was able to hold an entertaining, adult conversation. Jack had direction and was self aware. I was hopefully about Jack. That was until he went on a trip for five days and upon his return text me incessantly proclaiming that he missed me while he was away. “Why won’t you answer my calls? I missed you! Please pick up the phone!” Miss me? We only went on ONE date!

Showing interest makes a girl melt; stocking her makes her file a police report.

Thong man, OCD guy, crying dude and even the guy with smothering issues were fun for a while. But even before I discovered their quirks (some things I can over look but I have to draw the line) no one so far has sent me into crush land. That is except for “David.” But David stood me up and gave a lame excuse for not making an appearance or returning my calls. But he may read this post and I’m feeling he deserves a second chance so I’ll do my David ranting another day.

My date may have blown me off this weekend but I did get a knee weakening kiss from Blacked Out Guy while having a cigarette outside the bar. This is a story I will tell and it goes like this: I was outside smoking and chatting with my friend when Blacked Out Guy came stumbling out of the bar with his slightly more sober friends holding his arms to keep him from face planting in the snow. He asked if anyone had a light, and being the nice person that I am (he might have been drunk but he was a cutie) I offered to light his smoke since allowing him to handle flame didn’t seem safe. He leaned in for the light and noticed my “I’m single and looking pin” (yes I have a button that actually says that and yeah some times it gets me free drinks.). He asked “are you really single?” of course I nodded and then he wrapped his hands in my hair and pulled me in for a seriously breath taking kiss. Apparently his friends had a total freak out that my BFF had to quell (she knows I rarely push away an unsolicited kiss). Then he pulled away and waved good night. Most girls may have had a problem with that but to Blacked Out Guy I say NICE MOVE; get back here with those lips!

So all the dating I’ve done over the past few months has left me saying "send them back to mommy’s kitchen. These cookies aren’t finished baking yet". I mean who raised these animals anyway? What happened to this generation of men, did their parents not teach them how to treat a girl?

Maybe my expectations of the post college age man are just too high. I’ll have to test drive this theory and date a few 30-somethings; aim a little higher in the age range and maybe I’ll meet some guys that have their act together.