I Drank the Punch

I love this guy! "Abs are no longer a mark of fitness — instead they're an "ass badge." If you're bearing abs, you're an ass." - Greg Gutfeld. Hilarious, and so true by the way. I actually prefer my guys not to have abs. I think they're gross. And besides, what girl wants to be with a guy who looks better with his shirt off than they do?

Doctors find no cancer in Bush's colon but the question we're all left to wonder is if they found his brain in there. Having the state of his colon discussed in national news is Bush's "God Slap" for being a very big stupid head. But that's all I'm going to say about this issue because I'm eating lunch and talking about Bush makes me whoozy.

So, I've been inducted into a cult and this new life is working out very well for me. Last Friday night I was little less than dragged to accompany my boyfriend and our mutual friends to the fifth Harry Potter movie. As some of you might know, that last book was also released that night so the plan was to see the movie then head to the bookstore and wait for 12AM to roll around so the three of them could be some of the first to get their hands on the final addition to the series. Yep, you guessed, I was thinking "LOSERS!" But then, something magical (tehehe) happened that night in the theater. I snuggled down with my popcorn and coat (because it's always so damn cold in theater no matter what time of year it is or what the temperature outside is) and was prepared to take a nap when only 10 minutes into the movie I found myself being pulled into the Harry Potter world. I only talked 3 times during the whole movie and that was proof enough to my boyfriend. In fact, he wants to buy all the Harry Potter movies and keep them on continuous play in our house with hopes that my talking will subside and he can have some peace. We headed off to the bookstore after the movie finished and unfortunately there were just too many people and we left. I was drawn in by the movie yes, but it was not until my boyfriend came home with the first book of the series for me to read, that I was actually ready to drink the punch and join the cult. It's truly fabulous! I read the first and second books in about 3 days and on my lunch break today, I'm heading out to buy the third. I apologise to all those people I made fun of for loving Harry Potter and I plead you forgive me! It's true, I love Harry Potter! With that said, I'll probably be busy reading and not posting .... yeah, it's okay, you don't have to hide your excited smile. I'll be back when I'm done with the series and I'll have lots to talk about.... you won't be smiling then will you?!

It's an assassin squirt assassin world out there

We've all dreamed that one day the government would commission our talents of.... whatever.... and ask that we aid in the man hunt of an insane terrorist or group of terrorists who wish to blow up some important building, some where important. Yes, I know you have, as well as I, imagined that you too were like James Bond and now you can be. This is by far the best piece of news I have heard and/or read, ever. However, there are people trying to shut down our dreams and all I have to say to them is this "What in the world could possible be dangerous about a bunch of 30 something, video game enthusiast, assassin wanna bes running around a city, hunting their opponents for a chance to snipe shoot them with a water gun and be the last standing assassin?" It's okay, I don't need an answer from them because it's NOTHING. Nothing is the answer. Here's a quote from FoxNews.com - Chicago police warn that StreetWars is a risky business in this post-9/11 world, calling it “irresponsible” and saying it “infringes on the public’s safety.” And here's another quote - "So far, however, no one has been seriously injured — one person sprained an ankle once, according to the Supreme Commander."
If anyone did get hurt during the duration of this game whether they're a player or not - they would have to be instantly deemed a total looser, waste of space and frankly a hazard to humanity. In all my years of squirt gun use, never, ever have I witnessed anyone, even an innocent bystander be injured. Except the occasional crying little kid that didn't want to be held down and squirted in the face, I doubt that anyone in the history of squirt gun use has a horror story about how they now have to eat their food through a straw because some one got careless and rowdy with a water filled toy gun.
This brings me to a very serious note - which has not happened on this blog yet - anyway, the serious note being that we can not and should not crawl away to homes and hide in the darkness as some expect us to do "in this post-9/11 world." That's what being a terrorist is all about, terror, scarring people into submission, turning our culture focus to fear. Sure, yes, we need tight security at our borders, at our airports and municipal buildings, that I can understand. But that doesn't mean we have to stay inside and hide under our beds or simply stop everything we're doing, lock up all the fun and throw away the key. For those of you who think we're kicking the crap out of terrorism in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places, take a long hard look at the laws that have been passed in our own country for the sake of "safety." Look at how things have changed and tell me who you think is really winning the war on terror.

You just have to love those dumb people in Massachusetts, especially the firefights.

Well folks, it looks like this is drawing to a close. But before I go, I just want to say something to all those folks reading this and not leaving any comments..... Thank you for reading my blog, however, the funnest part about this whole thing for me is reading the responses to my posts - especially when the people writing them try to be as funny as I am but fail miserably. So, if you wish to indulge in the pleasure that is my blog (wow that sounded dirty) then you must leave me a comment or I will track you down and egg your house. With that said, enjoy the rest of the day and remember, don't drink and drive because you might spill your beer.

Sprint kicks butt

Now here's an idea! I think I should model this and use it at my job.... "Sorry sir, you've called here too many times to complain this year so we're kicking you out of the town! You have 30 days to find a new place to live." I wonder if the dumped Sprint customers called to plea for forgiveness. "Please don't leave me, I'll be a better customer. I need you Sprint, don't go, please don't do this!" LOL. I wish I could be there to hear those calls.

Well the 2007 Corcoran Family Reunion was, or course, a blast. Plenty of food, family, fun and singing! I'm still recoving from staying up late so for now I'll just say one thing "Cut me Mic, cut me!"

As far as this weekend goes, a yard sale awaits Kris and I. Yes, I did manage to sign up on time to get a spot in our building wide yard sale so that we can finally clean out the closet and get rid of Kris' stuff! Hahaha. No really, no just his things. I can't wait to get some cash for my junk so I can hit the stores and buy some new junk!

A little bit of this and a lot a bit of that

The most important part of this article in case you missed it, is that this women has four boys. Think about that one hard for a moment.... wait for it.... yep there's the visual. I hope she takes Micky D's for all they're worth - or heck even part of what they're worth would be a lot of money!

I can't get to this clip from this computer, but the description is enough for me to say "What are you thinking?" But, no wait I'm not going to judge this by what others say. We'll just have to wait......

I'm adding this link not because I really agree with the guy but because he's hilarious! ..."Deporting Hollywood to Venezuela." HA!

Living Hard and Vacationing Free (almost)

I just have to say that I love the fact that Bruce Willis' newest movie in the Die Hard collection is named using my home state's motto. Yeah, "Live Free or Die Hard" is a must see on my summer movie list and I can't wait to get to the theaters for this one. However, I've been keeping up with the reviews and I'm really tired of hearing the same complaints over and over. It's a movie for heavens sake, it's not supposed to be realistic! I'm the type of movie watcher who usually enjoys the movies that get the worst reviews anyway, and to this reviewer, I say I will remember this movie and I'll remember it with love.



The count down to my mini vacation is getting shorter and I am more than ready for a few days void of responsibilities, sleep and proper nutrition. I will partake in the Fourth of July tradition of eating every thing that's offered at the buffet table, staying up until I can be legally declared insane and using the excuse "I've been in the pool all day, I don't need a shower." Kris has already informed me however (because he won't be coming with me on this little trip) that any 2AM phone calls (whether it's a school night or not) will be unacceptable, unanswered and responded to by changing the locks on the front door of our condo. So I guess that means that I can still text and send pics of the Corcoran rendition of "Ring of Fire" because who doesn't love that song?! And if Kris tries to say that he wouldn't laugh a little upon seeing such a picture, regardless of the time, I will have to deem him a liar and subsequently set his clothes on fire. Hey that rhymed! As you can tell, we have a very healthy and loving relationship in which we use things like fire and flicking to keep each other in line.

So tonight I will finish packing, yuck. Over the years I've discovered that I could pack my entire closet and it wouldn't matter because once I get to where I'm going the only thing I'll want to wear is that one shirt I left in the dryer back home. I'm getting to the point now where I give myself 3 minutes to pack and whatever I can fit into my suitcase goes, whatever doesn't is left behind to miss me. The problem with this method however, is that I end up with limited clothing options which forces me to venture out in stars and moon themed pajama bottoms and a black backless shirt, typically reserved for the dance clubs, not the 7/11.

Well folks, the Monday workday is almost over so you can start smiling again. Try not to speed on the way home, be careful when changing the radio station and keep the road rage to flashing your high beams and laying on the horn. No baseball bats please.

News Stuff

It's Friday and you know what than means? That means I spend the day doing the least amount of work I can and still hang onto my job. So now that I have all this free time, I can ponder what I read in the newspaper this week and write smart, opinionated comments about them.

Fist up - Bush you old dumb dog, what are you saying? Who let you speak to the press without flash cards to guide you? In case some of you are in the dark about this one, earlier this week Bush spoke to the press regarding his immigration bill and said that he's heard all the rhetoric going around and wants to clear things up by saying that amnesty is when you make people pay for being here illegally and that's exactly what his bill does..... So if you're still clueless here let me fill you in one something apparently Bush doesn't even know.... Bush, at least he's been saying this all along, doesn't what amnesty and in fact that is not what this bill is about. So, Tony Snow had to come out and (I'll quote the Express here) "correct his boss" by saying no, no, no President Bush was lost without his prompts and flash cards and said exactly the opposite of what is and has been his long standing platform on illegal immigration. Bad Bush! I'd be happy to pay taxes if they went towards employing some one to walk behind Bush, and any other politicians I deem worthy, with a stick and just whack them on the head every time they do/say something worthy of a good wallop . With a leader like Bush it's no wonder other countries think Americans are unintelligent and just can't help themselves. For heaven sakes they guy was almost assassinated by snack food.



You absolutely must read this report. The headline reads: Man With Headache Finds Bullet in Head. Ouch! Bad day for this guy.

Heads up for this weekend - we're going tubing. Yep that means sitting on tube for hours, floating down some river, some where, baking in the sun and drinking "beverages" out of a floating cooler. I can't even begin to express how freaking AWESOME it's going to be ... as long as it doesn't rain that is. I'd say I'll make sure to get pictures but there's no way I'm risking bringing Kris' camera out on the river. At the end of the trip, he'd be looking for it, I'd have to tell him it's at the bottom of the river and I'd subsequently loose my ability to eat solid foods for a while. No really, he doesn't beat me, just ignore the black eye.... I fell, yeah that's it I fell. I will however, make sure to grab a snap shot of Kris in summer appropriate attire before we leave because this is a once in a life time event. I think, I mean I'm pretty sure he's even going to take off his boots for the day and wear .... sandals! Yes, I know, I'm sorry you're going to have to miss seeing this historical event in person. And no babe, I won't let Adam cut off your legs to get the boots off. Too much blood involved and I like a man that can walk.

Then later this week - it's vacation time and I'm headed to the dream vacation destination New Hampshire. Okay, so it's more like I have nightmares about this place but it's where my family is and where they are is when I want to be hundreds of miles away. I MEAN... oops cat is out of the bad. So really I'm only heading back to my home town to get free food and "miss you" money from my parents but I figure I'll get to lay by the pool, do the Corcoran Family reunion thing later that weekend and of course do what always happens when you get a bunch of drunk Irish misfits together - sing karaoke!

I realize by now it must seem that I live like a rock star and it would be true if only I had the money, the clothes, the cars, the house(s), and all that fame. But other than that, yes I am a rock star in my own world.

This time tomorrow I'll be as red as a lobster, water logged and drunk with happiness. Yes happiness, that's it.

Drive safe folks, and please roll down your windows if you're going to leave your dog or child in the car. But if you're leaving both, make sure to dangle food between them and watch them fight!

PS-

pjgrammy - thanks for the compliment and the overly personal information. I'll see you Tuesday night and you better have your clothes on!

My boss and Paris Hilton

Alright - another post comprised mostly of ramblings partly due to the fact that I've spent a good portion of my day re-editing letters for minuet, insignificant, and over all stupid details AFTER they were already okayed by the person now asking that I re-edit them for the thousandth time. All this while being constantly interrupted by the phone ringing which doesn't sound so bad now, but if you were anticipating the kinds of questions that I am, you'd also be ready to take a sledge hammer to the damn phone and then toss it out the window. No, we will not come to your house to cut up your tree that fell in your yard no matter how old or just plain lazy you are. No, we will not pay for flood damage to your million dollar home because you were on vacation in the tropics and were unable to sand bag your foundation, we're sorry the rain gods aren't answering our emails right now and continue to rain their godly torrents no matter how many times we put "READ ME" in the subject line. And no, I do not like green eggs and ham no matter where it's being served SO STOP ASKING! Okay, so I made that last one up. No one has actually asked me that question....yet.

Something I am completely informed of and ready to complain about however, is the fact that Paris Hilton was let out of jail today. Come on people, can't we lock her away for life just for being stupid and dimensioning the over all quality of life for people world wide? Or, at the very least, can we have her sterilized so that future generations do not have to be plagued with the disease that is "Simple Life" or in her prospective child's case "Simple Life, Jr"? Not that I , an intelligent brunette as most of us are, have anything against the blond haired people of this world, but it's been my experience that any blond with a name like Paris, Candy or any other such names strung out stripper mothers have come up with, are with out question or further evaluation needed, dumb. Especially if they listen to country music and can't understand why Alaska and Hawaii have such different climates because "they're right next to each other" (thanks Kris, I stole your story but that's what girlfriends are for right?). Thankfully my strung out stripper mom was nice enough to pass her dark hair genes onto me and be slightly more sober than usual so she didn't write down the first word that popped into her head on the birth certificate. And Mom, if you're reading this, of course I know you weren't actually a stripper :)

More to come later but I can't promise that it's going to be any more interesting and in all probability, the quality of content will diminish as the week progresses and you can guarantee you won't be able to read my posts by the time weekend is in full swing. Unless, you have your beer goggles on to. hehehe.

#1

Oh wow, this is the first post! This post will set the standard for all future posts and lead them farther than any posts have ever gone before!

Or it will just be the little bit of rambling I can get in before it's FINALLY time to leave work....

I don't have much to say right now other than I should have listened to my instincts and called in sick today. A piece of advise that you didn't ask for - no matter how late you stay up Sunday night, Monday will eventually come, greeting you with the lovely sounds of an alarm clock and the impending Monday doom that awaits every 9-5 worker. And no I don't have "a case of the Mondays" (go Office Space), I have a case of the "I need to win the lottery or marry a rich guy so I don't have to do this for the rest of my life"... I just keep my fingers crossed that some long lost, disgustingly wealthy relative kicks the bucket and picks me to inherit their fortune (I say long lost because as far as I know, no one in my family has nearly enough money to make me happy and if they did, at this point in the game I doubt I could do anything to get in their will). And hey, that's a good reason to be nice to everyone you meet because you never know if they might be in the midst of editing their will.

Well it's time for me too look busy while I gather my things so I can hit the floor running when that clock turns to 5.