Calling All Nice Guys Installment 1

If my tip of the day today sounds a little p*ssed, that’s because I am. Let’s get right down to it and talk about the kind of men we, as 20-something women are looking for….

In high school, it’s all about the cute guys. Guys with cars, guys on the football team, guys that make other girls look at us and say “wow, I wish he gave me his class ring.” These guys, the BMW driving, jersey wearing popular ones, usually turn out to be the kind of guy that takes you to prom then leaves you at the punch bowl and takes the head cheerleader to a hotel room upstairs (no that didn’t happen to me). Or the kind that takes your virginity then dumps you a week later for a girl that is no where near as good looking (yep, that one did happen to me).

By college, we still haven’t completely grown out of falling for jerks. There is something undoubtedly attractive about frat guys. The problem with frat guys is that they love their beer bongs and video games more than you. And if it’s not frat guys that do it for you, it’s the brooding, creative writing major types. Whom we quickly discover find sulking in a dark room reveling in their depression more interesting than making out.

By the time we’re ready to move out of student housing we have learned a lot about psychology, history, probably a bit about art and certainly plenty about the kind of man we want to date. We’ve learned that frat guys will only leave you stranded at the bar because they got to drunk to remember you were with them and writers don’t have any room left in their hearts for you because they’re too in love with themselves and Robert Frost.

The 20-something women is ready for a little substance and to date The Nice Guy. Yep, nice guys here’s your chance. You don’t finish last, you just join the race a little late. The 20-something lady doesn’t have time for games. We’re too busy running late for a thankless job we bust our butts at because it has the potential of turning into a fabulous career, counting change to put gas in our cars and popping in to visit mom and dad (and get a hot meal) once a week. We want someone that shows up on time because we have no time to waste, has something interesting to say and doesn’t think going to McDonald's’s then sharing a can of beer at make-out hill is a romantic date. We’ve realized that good looking guys on motorcycles might be fun for one night, maybe even a week but they’re not going to make you soup when you’re sick or bring you flowers on your birthday. We’re looking for a guy who has a stable job, doesn’t still live with their parents and actually IS interested in what we have to say.

Side note: Ladies, if you are 20-something (or older) and ARE still waiting for that Harley riding guy to call, step away from the phone and get back to your life because he’s not going to call. And, if he does, it’ll be two weeks from now at about 11:30 Saturday night after he’s had a few and remembers he still has your number. But I promise you, he’s not really interested in your promotion, he’s just saying that so you’ll go back to his place and “tell him all about it.”

So step up nice guys, we’re waiting.

Check out: Marti’s Musings: Dating in your 20’s vs 30’s

Revolution Health: Dating in Your 20s

The 20-something's rules of dating

Shopping Your Age

It’s an odd feeling, the realization you come to while shopping that all of a sudden, you’re not a junior any more and you have to find a new favorite store pronto. One minute you’re having a blast in Charlotte Russe and then you notice that you’re at least five years older than everyone in the place, including the counter help.

Now I admit, I still indulge in the occasional Charlotte Russe shoe, hat, dress (okay I love that store and can’t stay away) but the key is digging through items to find things that are age appropriate. I’m no fashion expert here, just the amateur clothes lover, but I can tell you that places like Urban Outfitters and ANY juniors section of a department store will not have anything for the 20-something chick on their racks.

I remember the days when shopping was easy, simple and totally painless. I had to abide by a few simple rules when it came to clothes for school; no skirts or shorts more than 3 inches above the knee, no bare shoulders. Buying clothes back then was cake. However, now I’m shopping not only to cover a few flaws that sprang up somewhere along the line between 18 and 24, but I’m shopping for work gear and party wear. However, like most chicas in their 20’s I have a more stingy shopping allowance than my 16 year old, no bills to pay self. So every clothing purchase has to, for the most part, fit my day-time career motivated self and my night time rebellious alter ego.

Friday afternoon, after busting out of work and gearing up for weekend celebrations of, well the weekend, my car took the long rout home and I found myself at the mall. So I decided to air out my zero balance Macy’s card and hit the winter sales, because a card with no balance deserves a party. There, on the over stuffed racks of puffy winter coats, I found a jewel and fell in love. A knee length true red wool coat with an over sized collar, and I thought to myself, now here is a coat I can spend the rest of my life with, or a least have a winter fling. I also scored a pair of grey suede ankle booties that scrunch around the neck and are perfect to ware with my adored leggings. The boots and I were a match made in heaven because they were the last pair and my size. It was fate.

The winter clearance prices coupled with my Star rewards discounts left plenty of charging room on my card so I set out in search of a few things to revive my wardrobe. But dear old Macy’s left me wondering “where’s my section?” I saw plenty of women my grandmothers’ age and lots of giggling pre teens but no chickies old to buy beer and still young enough to get carded for it.

What I can credit Macy’s for is the availability of wardrobe essentials at a reasonable price, if you hit a sale and the One Day Macy’s sale seems to happen every other week. Black pants and plain tops are a plenty and these pieces go with you from the staff meeting in the board room to the one at Margaritas.

But variety is the spice right? I find that shops like Express, Ann Taylor and New York & Co are a perfect solution to the 20-something’s shopping dilemma. Here you will find a plethora of items that do double duty (say that 10 times fast). If these shops just don’t fit your style, or wallet, venture out to all those places you usually walk by on your way to American Eagle. When you’re in the right place, the fitting room chatter goes from “where do you want to go on spring break” to “I’m looking in the mirror but all I see is my mother staring back.”

No matter where you decide to purchase your threads, keep at the forefront the following points:

Short shorts and pigtails are cute and youthful on a 21-year old. One a 25 year-old it’s bar fly skanky.

If you’re looking to attract an 18-year old frat guy, then go a head and show off everything you’ve got. If, however, you’re looking for someone without a can of beer glued to their hand (no offense frat guys!) then you’ll want to keep things sexy AND modest. Don’t go showing off all your goodies in one display case, make them wonder what’s behind the bakery doors.

Most importantly, adopt the following mantra:
“Younger girls might be thinner and perkier but I’ve got the experience.”
Any pulled together 25 + guy will tell you that while college age girls might not have to wear support bras, nothing about “want to come back to my dorm room” sounds like a life long relationship.

Now that you are armed, go forth and shop!

Tip Of The Day 2.23.09: For The Guys

Men are dirty. Women know this and we’ve come to accept and over look it. However, when inviting your date back to your place, at least for the first few times, make sure you AT LEAST clean the bathroom. I know it's a not a big deal for you, I mean the world is your toilet, but for us squatters the state of your bathroom could mean the difference between leaving before dessert and staying for breakfast.

Thank You Mom and Dad

Everyone can look back on their childhood and pick out a few things their parents said, that at the time didn’t mean anything, but now in adulthood, can be fully understood. One of the conundrums of life is that there are things we can not understand until we are older but that we desperately need to grasp when we’re young. At least, if we could have comprehended the importance of those lessons, we would be a step a head in the game of college, work, relationships…. The following are now things I thank my parents everyday for teaching, or trying to teach me.

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned
I remember the first time my father said this to me, we had been driving around looking for the best gas prices and I didn’t see the point, a penny is just a penny. I’ve learned, since having to pay my own bills, that a penny is not just a penny; 100 pennies = $1 and 500 pennies = a cup of coffee. . At nine I had a paper rout and spent every dime made either at the mall or the arcade. At fifteen I worked in a hospital and after that until recently I waited tables. I made good money, great money considering I still lived with my parents and had minimal expenses. I never thought twice about spending $100 to take myself and my friends to dinner. Now, I’d like to buy a house or at least a new TV but only have about $25 in my piggy bank. There’s no reason you shouldn’t have fun with your money, heck you’ve worked hard for it right? But would you rather have a Coach purse now, or new snow tires next winter? No matter how big that purse is, it’s not big enough to live in when you get evicted for defaulting on your rent. I’m currently in the midst of figuring out a way to consolidate all my credit card debt so that I can actually start having fun with my money again instead of paying 28% interest on my maxed out Visa.



You Hate Doing Chores Now but

You’ll Appreciate It When You’re Older
I’ll never forget my father saying this as I was trudging through the back yard in waist deep snow to feed our two dogs. I remember saying to myself “if you think I’ll ever appreciate this than Alzheimer’s must already be setting in.” To all those kids out there cursing under your breath while cleaning your room or taking out the trash, turn around and thank your parents for teaching you some discipline and responsibility. Building it up now will make the transition into adulthood a lot easier because when you have a job you can’t just shove your work under your bed or at least you can’t if you want to get any where in life.

As I mentioned above, I’ve been holding down a job since I was a little kid. Work ethic was never something I had to work hard at. And it has paid off, literally. I have great rapport with all my bosses which has made pie out of getting a reference when I need one. My co-workers know they can turn to me for help and my employers have confidence in me and respect for me. I do not have a degree, yet (that’s a story for another time) but I have managed to land jobs because I’ve left a trail of employers begging me to come back.

Working hard isn’t just beneficial to your career (and wallet) it makes you a reliable and respected person. When people know they can count on you to get a job done, they’re more likely to cut you slack when you need it and agree to help you when you ask.

I’m NOT Your Maid, Pick Up After Yourself!
As a teenager my room always looked like ground zero; like a bomb of clothes and make up had exploded. I wish I had developed the habit of being tidier because nothing is as stressful as having five minutes to clean up a weeks worth of dishes because your friends called to announce they’re in the area and want to drop in. As a teenager my room always looked like ground zero; like a bomb of clothes and make up had exploded. I wish I had developed the habit of being tidier because nothing is as stressful as having five minutes to clean up a weeks worth of dishes because your friends called to announce they’re in the area and want to drop in.

Having a tendency for messiness was one thing my ex had difficulty over looking, even though he said it didn’t bother him, it was apparent. Relationships are difficult enough without having these extra hurdles in the way. Chances are as person in your 20’s you have or will soon find yourself in a roommate situation, whether as an other or not. and no one, but no one wants to live with a dirty roommate.

Although having a dog and no easily accessible laundry facilities hasn’t made my attempts at tidiness any easier, I am learning to do the dishes on a regular basis so it doesn’t turn into a whole Sunday afternoon chore.

So stop throwing your clothes and wet towels all over your bedroom and get into the habit of at least putting them in a laundry basket. This way, when that cute guy or hot girl you’ve been dancing with all night at the club decides to come back for one last round, you won’t have to make them enter your apartment with their eyes closed….. unless you want to.



Take a “No Thank You” Bite

**If you check out the link please do read the comments, it's part of why I chose it**

If there was something on my plate that I would have rather fed to the dog, my mother always made me take a “no thank you” bite. Meaning now matter what it was, I had to try a little bit and if I still didn’t like it after that than I didn’t have to eat it. Circling back around to those picky eaters, or just picky people in general try a taste, it’s not going to kill you. In fact, it will broaden your horizons and make you a more interesting person. If you’re always too afraid to try new things, food or otherwise, than your life will never be more interesting than it is right now. The “no thank you” bite was probably the best thing my mother could have done for me because not only am I not afraid to try anything once (or twice), I actually seek out new adventures and my life is that much richer for it.

AND, being adventurous is sexy. I don’t know how many times voicing my love of raw oysters has turned into requests for my phone number. If bungee jumping really scares the googlies out of you, than don’t do it. But trying a new restaurant or something like line dancing is not nearly as life threatening and can be just eye opening.

Beer before liquor, never been sicker
This isn’t original but it is good advice, some of the best advice my brother ever gave. Life and parties have far more in common than I realized at the time of my first hangover. The obvious point to take from here is party with guidelines. One tequila shot is a good time; six is puking in the toilet. Just like the difference between one cookie and a box of cookies smothered in chocolate sauce over ice cream, is four dress sizes. Not that it needs to be said, but moderation is key. I’m a girl and not surprising I have an obsession with shoes. But 100 pairs of sandals just leaves you with no money for rent and limited available closet space, believe me on this one, I’m living it.

I’m sure most of us can recall parties that we wish we could forget, and then there are those of us who can’t quite recall those ones and we’re happy for it. Once you start time traveling, it’s time to go home. For those who need clarification; time traveling is when you’re just having fun, drinking beer in the living room and next thing you know you dancing on the table to “I like Big Butts” with some guy named Bob who apparently is now your fiance. Six hours have passed and the last thing you remember is reaching for another Bud Lite.

This is not sexy. Not only is it not sexy but it hurts in the morning and not just your head.

I’ve learned to have fun and indulge in the things I love within the borders I’ve set for myself. Although on occasion I do stretch my boarders for some elbow. Hey, sometimes that fifth beer just won’t be quiet until I do keg stand.

For more advice and how to, check out this book by Christie Mellor. It's helpful and funny. Some parts even have illustrated guides.

Tip Of The Day 2.20.09: It's Just Common Sense

Do NOT show up late for work with a dunkin' coffee in your hand, unless you have one for your boss too. It'll be hard for them to believe the "oil tanker turned over in the road story" while your sipping your medium hazelnut 3 & 3

Paper Seduction

UPDATE: okay, in an attempt to organize I have created a new blog called Paper Seduction where I'll be posting my creative writing bits. I only have 2 poems up there right now be but be assured there is more to come.

Getting It Together

The truth of the matter is when I started this blog I really had no idea what I was doing. Up until now it has simply been a creative out let and a place to hold my sanity together.
But now that I have a little more focus in my life, I want to reflect that here. Do not fret however, I am certain touches of randomness (is that a word?) will still be found as I muddle my way through this current state of being.

With that said, the new focused version of My Two Cents will feature blurbs about being a single 20-something in a world that seems to move expediential faster (yes I had to spell check that). Dating mishaps, stumbling up the career ladder, the struggles to pay rent and everything I learn on the way will all be part of my new blogging adventure.

Please bear with me while I experiment and I hope you enjoy your glimpse into being a 20-something single woman faking her way to adulthood.