Limp D**k Never Sounded So Good

How do you put blossoming love for a newly discovered band into words? It's nearly impossible but I'm going to try because darn it I just LOVE Kings of Leon. This is, simply put, the music I've been waiting for all my life. Rarely ever do I buy/download whole albums and I think the last CD (Danko Jones - I still have a place in my heart for you too) I purchased was about 3 years ago. That is until I picked up Aha Shake Heartbreak a few weeks back. I haven't, and I mean this in all seriousness, I have not stopped listening to it. It's hands down, down right dirty wonderful, sing to the top of my lungs, jam out in my car and every where else, fantastic. The whole album. Not just the single, not just the first three songs, the whole album.

And I love everything else I've heard from their other albums as well. Now I admit, I only came to know KOL after hearing their hit Sex on Fire. Does that make me any less of fan, some die hards say yes and I say get the stick out of your ass you stuck up music snob. Music like this is meant to have followers, many many followers and whether they were fans from the first lyric or won't catch on until the next album, it doesn't matter as long as they are listening.

As much as I've enjoyed every drum beat and guitar strum I do have a few favorites and one of them being Soft. Yes, it is a song about not being able to perform and it sounds SOOOOO good. Never since and never again will you hear a woman say that. So please click the link, enjoy, spread the word and fall in love kids because this is where it's at.

Being Single Is Not The Same As Being Alone

I admit that my morning post was more cynical than I actually feel about Valentines Day and love and romance .... I'm actually a total sucker for all things lovely and romantic. But seeing as how this is my first Valentines' as a non other in three years I did consider hiding in my house until the day was over.

But, I did not. In fact I get all dressed up Carey Bradshaw style, with pink and flowers- the whole bit - and trotted my single little butt over to my parents house to bring Valentines' greetings. I arrived to find out that my Dad, the always surprising man that he is, had bought me chocolates and a wonderful card to wish me a happy heart day.

The cards reads:

"She blooms with beauty
from a loving heart,
with an inner strength
that no one ever taught her...
To every day, she brings
delight and wonder,
a bright and precious gift
a gift of life - a daughter."

It's okay, made me cry a little too. That's one of the absolute best cards I've ever received. So the only question is, where are all the men like my dad?

After that I spent an hour or so just driving around with my dog, jamming out to Kings of Leon. Then dropped the kiddo off at home and headed to my Aunts house for a lovely dinner and visit. She lives on the beach so I took the scenic rout home. The sky was so clear tonight that every star seemed to have it's high beams on. And the moon! Wow!

So I my be single, I may not have had a date tonight or even plans with friends but I am far from alone in this world full of coupled people.

Flowers Chocolates and Disapointment

Well happy V-day to all those single people out there. Yep I'm held up in my apartment watching sappy love movies drinking coffee but not because I'm hiding from all the gooey eyed couples out there but because it's just another Saturday and I'm happy being lazy.

I've been reflecting all morning on how I spent past Valentines' day when I was an other and honestly, I can't remember one that was particularly special. Last year, I worked late, wasn't feeling well and came home to go straight to bed. Although the next day, as I was frantically digging through my bag at work I found a little blue box with Tiffany's written across the top. Opened it and sure enough there was a pretty little necklace inside with a note "forgot to give this to you last night." It was the first special occasion I had decided not to do a gift or even a card because all the V-days and anniversaries before, I had done for him but he hadn't done for me. The necklace was nothing short of romantic, sure but ... too little too late? And the back story goes something like this; I had been pondering getting him a very big gift for V-day and told our mutual friends about it. Knowing that he typically falls short when it comes things like Valentines' day they let my plans slip. I don't know this for certain but I'm inclined to think that the necklace only came my way because he was expecting something big from me and not because he was moved to be romantic. Well, I ended up deciding to wait until his birthday to give him my gift so .... funny how life works out right?
So Valentines' has never really been a big deal for me as an other or a single girl but I would welcome a little romance. Maybe some flowers, dinner, a slow dance in the rain. But one night isn't a whole life time and it's much harder to keep a promise for life than it is to sweep a girl off her feet for one night. Unfortunately flowers wilt, dinners only last an hour and I haven't met a guy yet that would slow dance in the rain.

Over the Line

Where to even begin on this story.... You know there have been a slew of these types of stories in the media lately and I've had enough. Children, meaning under the age of 18, exchanging nude photos of each other is of course not something to be ignored. But federal charges, are you kidding me?! I quote foxnews.com:

"The six boys are accused of exchanging a nude photo of a 13-year-old female classmate using their cell phones.
Charges against them could include possessing or exhibiting a photograph of a child in a sexual act, distributing material of a child in a sexual act, and possession of child pornography, the paper reported."

This is with out question, simply a matter for the child’s parents to deal with. Shouldn't the police and prosecutors be spending their time capturing the real child porn offenders? I don't want my tax dollars going to putting a 13-year-old in jail for taking a couple questionable snap shots of his 13-year-old girlfriend. And if convicted, these boys, these CHILDREN will have to register as sex offenders for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.

Let's get a grip here people. Where is this leading society? Is prosecuting these children going to make life for the American people better? Is it going to make us safer? No, no and no. All it's going to do is ruin these lives forever and potentially create actual criminals because they won't be able to get a decent job any where if they have to put Sex Offender down on their applications. Certainly we want to protect children from taking part in adult behavior, we want to keep them innocent, we want to keep them safe. Putting them in jail is not going to do any of those things. When I got caught with a boy in my bedroom as a teenager - I was grounded and restricted from seeing him unless there was an adult present. That is appropriate action, that punishment fits the crime. I'm so fed up with hearing about children, CHILDREN being tried as adults, or being punished beyond what is appropriate for minor "crimes." We should be leading our youth, steering them in the right direction, giving them encouragement and doing what is best for their future. Not locking them behind bars and stripping them of not only their childhood but in most cases their adult lives too.

Now this may come as a surprise to some but children are not adults. They do not think, act, have the knowledge or the wisdom that comes with adulthood. They do not have the same rights and responsibilities as adults. Therefore, no child, no matter the crime should ever, ever be punished as an adult. Society can not have it both ways. Either we eliminate all age restrictions on things like alcohol consumption, gun use, voting... and give everyone of all ages the same rights/privileges and treat them all the same, or we don't. We have age restrictions on things for a reason. The fact of the matter is, and any scientist, psychologist and who ever else will tell you that a child’s brain and a teenager’s brain are simply not built the same way as an adults brain is. It's science people, its fact.

So instead of trying to weed out all the potential "bad seeds" why don't we try raising them up, guiding them and giving them a chance at a productive future. That is what's best for this country. Not jails full of children.

This Is Why I Have A Dog

Imagine sitting in front of the TV, watching Saturday morning cartoons, eating a bowl of Cherrie O's and all of a sudden and 18-foot python bites you and begins to wrap itself around your body to suffocate you and then eat you whole. Nope, it's not another installment of that oh so good horror flick Anaconda, its real people.
"Officials say the snake began squeezing the breath out of the child before Melissa Melendrez stabbed the snake more than a dozen times with a kitchen knife." (foxnews.com)
First of all, having a pet snake is not only pointless (because snakes don't do anything, you can't even take them for a walk) it's apparently dangerous when they get so big they can eat your kids. Sure, dogs some times attack for no reason, and cats can be vicious (little drama queens) but I've never had a pet TRY TO EAT ME!
Here's my theory on people who keep exotic pets.... People who buy snakes, spiders ... tigers and other random animals are trying to fill a void in their personality. My guess is that they either don't have anything interesting to say so they do whatever they can for shock value to get people to start a conversation with them or they just lack ability for any normal and rational behavior. Certainly I'm all for self expression (obviously) and I admire people who take in pets, of all kinds, that have no other place to go. But an 18-foot python is not your friend. Neither is a poisonous spider or a man eating feline. They are wild animals and will more than likely hurt you the first chance they get.
Word of advice folks, get a hamster or a cat or even a dog. And if you still crave that fulfilment you get from housing something slithering, visit a zoo where they have trained professionals.

Links to snake stories:

This Boa Is No Moa WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES!

Is this a serious question? I don't know if this is real or not but please read, and read all the comments too, it's worth the laugh. Especially the last comment by DarkMusclePrince

**the picture of the snake above was taken from This Boa is No Moa**

Quick, under your desks everyone!

I want to know what the Scientologists do that I don't.

Well, I put restrictions on that, I only what to know why they are building, as quoted on Foxnews.com ..."a 22,000-square-foot underground storage vault to store documents." WHAT? Seriously, how many documents can you have for a religion that's barely 50 years old? I mean, I know those Scinetologists put the fruit in fruitcake but what ARE they up to?

"But plans remain vague. County land use planner John Barton said the county also has been told the vault might hold any number of things besides documents."
"We've had everything from underground housing of sheep or hay," Barton said. "We've had cemetery discussed. We've had mining discussed." (foxnews.com)

Yeah and if that's not getting you mind into science fiction mode, here's what else foxnews had to say ... "The Church of Spiritual Technology holds Scientology's copyrights and trademarks and stores church documents in underground vaults to preserve the religion in case of nuclear war..."

I repeat; in case of nuclear war.

So lets brings this full circle now... The Church of Scientology is building something, possibly an underground vault to store documents and/or sheep and the Church of Spiritual Technology has admitted to keeping Scientology documents (and sheep too? don't know) in an under ground vault in case of nuclear war. Now the people doing the building are in such a rush that apparently they don't have the proper permits. What could be so urgent that they can't even spare the time to get permission to do whatever they're doing? The threat of nuclear war that's what!

I say even though the Scientologists are a special brand of nutty, we should all take notice. Either they've pissed some one off royally or, they really want to see what was radioactive dust looks like.

If you'd question the Schientoloists movites and are unsure what steps to take next, check out these links:

Nuclear War Survival Skills
Nuclear fallout

Bring it on skinny jeans, bring it on!

Every year we all make promises to ourselves, our children and even God that we know we won’t keep. Yes these promises are called New Years Resolutions. Typically they are proclaimed at Christmas dinners and company parties and before we know it, New Years Eve comes, we’re well over served and telling everyone “there is no way in hell I’m going antiquing with my wife!” Even if we do get to the gym 3 time a week and show up for work on time every day, it usually only lasts about a month before we are once again using those excuses we’ve used all our lives to avoid doing those “hard for us but good for us” things.

So this year I took a different approach. I did not make myself or God any promises. I did not tell my friends and co-workers that I plan to be a better neighbor, and didn’t even promise my dog that I would walk her more. Instead, I’ve been partying as if I were still in college, eating dough nuts smothered in chocolate sauce, showing up late for work and taking 2 hour lunches and finding whatever way I can to get around burning any calories. Alright, I lied, it’s not really that bad but I did not make any resolutions to be more honest so there you go. Follow my thought process here, I’m very, very single, cute (or at least funny) and young so the time to buckle down is years in the future. Have as much fun now as my body allows before my body doesn’t even allow me to bend over.

But to give a bit of back story here, only just three short years ago I was a size 6 (or maybe 8) but the point being that I was thin and I looked great. Then, I became an “other”, you know “significant other.” We ate out, we ate in, and I ate to suppress my growing anger and desire to flee. Until finally I was the girl that everyone sent their fat clothes to. I battled for about a year with diets, exercise… starvation but nothing really worked and eventually I gave up and just convinced myself that the flub is womanly.

That was until a few events unfolded shortly after the New Year that not only made me recommit to my weight loss goals, but actually got me to make a PROMISE that I would fit into my sexy butt jeans by July. First I started working on a slideshow for my dad’s 65th birthday. You know the kind with the sappy music and the close ups of baby pictures. While sifting through nearly 8 totes of family photos (before the digital age folks) I came upon pictures of myself when I was hot to trot size. You know mid-drift shirts and cut-off shorts. Those were the days when I could still fit into junior sizes even though I had both feet over the line into adulthood.

After spending a few days dreaming about those black velvet Ann Taylor size five PETIT pants I once wore, I got a call from my long since ex boyfriend who invited me out to join a group for drinks and frolicking around town. One would think that being in the overweight state that I am (I calculated my BMI and it in fact said overweight. I’m only three tenths of a point away from being obese according to that cruel calculator) seeing my ex, or anyone from my skinny past, would be less fun that shutting my hand in a door. BUT, this was not the first time I had seen him since my lean thighs turned french fries. Plus, he’s put on some poundage as well so I was in a semi comfort zone. That was until I arrived at the club (popped collar and Uggs only please) and started being introduced to the group as “the ex fiancé.” Which of course made me assume they were all thinking “oh he dumped her because she got fat.” Not that bad you’re thinking, right? What pushed me over the edge (and by edge I mean into the uncountable bottles of beer I consumed that night) was when I came face to face with the New Girlfriend. This was not just your typical ex-other’s nightmare, oh no. The new other was HOT. Yes, size 3, size 44 C (at least), and 6 feet tall with legs that started at her neck (did I mention that I’m only 5’2??). So there I am, the first impression I’m giving to all of my new found friends “Hello, I’m the over weight ex fiancé, yep as you can see he traded up.” And the icing on my big fat chocolate cake is that those “new found friends” were all people I went to high school with. One of them being a guy who was once my chubby, awkward friend from history class who is now the fantasy worthy lead singing in a surprisingly good rock band. So what is a girl to do in a suicide inducing situation such as this? Warm up to her buddy Sam Adams and get exceptionally intoxicated so as to black out the humiliating event of course. And then probably say and do a few things she’ll be embarrassed about in the morning after the headache and nausea wears off. All in the name of therapy right?

Now that I’ve sobered up and convinced myself that everyone else was just as over served as I was and can’t possibly remember me making a fool of myself, I’ve planted a scale right in front of my refrigerator and hung my bathing suit over the cabinets as a reminder to STAY AWAY FROM THE COOKIES. I’ve vowed to have a Jennifer Aniston on the cover of GQ kind of body come beach weather (I read some where that setting unrealistic goals for yourself actually helps you succeed). So the next time I unsuspectingly run into an ex-other or people I used to know, and can’t remember their names but they know mine, I’ll be the one they’re talking about when they say “wow, she got HOT!”